The ANGER Express

EXPRESSED WITH FUCKING COLOURFUL LANGUAGE.

Lil Wayne

A “friend” posted this on facebook:
Swagger tighter than a yeast infection

Fly go hard like geese erection
Fashion patrol police detection
I stay tight like Chinese connection
-Lil Wayne
My reaction? I realized I could be a rap lyricist too, a rappist, so to speak. 

I will apply some flirtation

And we will prepare for fornication

I can get an erection

Without medication

We will use no protection

If my sperm manages conception

Then I’ll get you an abortion

But if you want a C-section

I’ll pay for the kids education

What do I see? Inflammation

Fuck.

Your vagina had a yeast infection

I wish you looked the other direction
-Lil Hizzy McSwag 

Snooki is havin a baby!!1 omg

Jersey shore.

Snooki is pregnant! Snooki is pregnant! Let me repeat that again, Snooki is pregnant!

Snooki, is a testament against Darwinism, that’s all she is. Her existence is the statement that you don’t need to be attractive or likeable to reproduce! There was a time when in order to be rich and famous you had a talent, or you’re beautiful, or you’re buff and cut, or you could sing. Snooki has none of that! And now she is going to bring forth fat tanned demon spawn from the depth of hell, which I demand what Snooki’s vagina to be called henceforth.

"I watch it because they are douchebags." What the FUCKING fuck? I come home from school, open the TV to find Jersey Shore playing, a reality show infested with assholes and douchebags, why would I want to watch that? I just came from school, where I meet real life assholes and douchebags!

During my summer at LA I went to a mall which Snooki had happened to be at, now I made sure with all my will to not go see her, because if I had, I would’ve punched her right in the stomach and aborted that baby and scream, “Favor done, world! The antichrist is dead!”

P.S CUUUUUNNNNNNT

Anonymous asked: Is there anything in this world you like?

Rainbows. Butterflies. Unicorns. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. 

War on Earth

Hey everyone! It’s Earth Day! What? You didn’t know? Oh neither did I, I just found out via google doodle. Sad, really. I was going to do a post on the War on Drugs for 420, but then I thought, “Rainbow banana elephants, zipity-fucking-doo-da zipity day”, perhaps because I was high. Then I thought, maybe the War on Terror? No, just seems a little bland, there are thousands of books out there about it, it’s sort of like Chinese food, we just can’t seem to get enough of it, and it’s all the fucking same. Then came the google doodle, oh google doodle, thank you. Earth day! I looked outside my window and thought, “Springtime has arrived, the birds are tweeting, people are tweeting about the tweeting, flowers are blooming, and you know what, FUCK the environment.” I declare a war on Earth.

Earth used to be cool. Then came the whole global warming thing. That fucked us all up, we were scared shitless. Then came the coldest fucking winter I ever experienced, where’s global warming now, EARTH? With this deeply embedded hatred, I took it for myself to fight this war, I screamed to the heavens, “Hey dude, do politician sons fight the war themselves, no man, no, I’m totally going to do this.” I hauled my air-conditioner outdoors plugged that shit in, and blasted it. In the warm noon sun and the fresh spring air, there is nothing better than a nice whiff of artificially cooled air. There is no need to praise my infinite bravery, because it is then, did I unroot several handfuls of grass. “Not so tough now are you? Environment? Where’s your Hurricane Katrina now?” I was fearless. Mankind has triumphed over the environment. “CHAMPION! CHAMPION!” in retrospect, I do believe it was the drug-fueled narcissism that made me say that. 420 everyday. 

I went home and I turned on all the fucking lights, because who gives a shit? I flipped on my TV. I tried to gather what the newscaster was trying to say, however those fucking elephants won’t leave me alone, “Earthquake, flood, hail-storm, record heat, snow storms, tornado, and lots of dead people.” I snapped out of my delusion. The elephants disappeared, as I realized the real elephant in the room. We are the only species that the Earth is actively trying to get rid of. We are getting rid of all the other species. Maybe… It is us that are doing all the wrong things. Then I performed my Earth Day haul of shame, I dragged the air-conditioner in doors. 

Conclusion: Let’s all hold hands and eat tofu.

HA! Just kidding. Just hold hands and try to fart less. That’s something right? 

-trippy asked: i see you've finally started posting again..

Hello darling. Reluctantly yes, they just love me so. 

Proud Consumer Cunts

I was talking to this man, but then due to his lack of significance in anyway, I completely forgotten his name, so in this post I shall refer to him as the Consumer Cunt. Our conversation went something like this:

Consumer cunt: Hey, how are you?

Me: Oh, I’m okay, just being buttfucked by the various demons of life, what’s your name anyways?

Consumer cunt: My name is*Consumer cunt*, and because of my lack of intellegence to talk about anything else, I will now talk about my new iPhone. Look at it.

Me: No.

Consumer cunt: LOOK AT IT. I BOUGHT IT.

The rest of the conversation was mainly just shrieks and painful screams from him as I pulverized his balls, don’t fret, I’m just doing what nature should’ve done a long time ago, survival of the fittest, made sure he was sterile by the time I was done.  

Now what pissed me off wasn’t the consumerism, or the corporate slave that he had made himself into, it was his pride in it. With shame, I must say I own apple products, for fuck sake, I’m not a poor *laugh maniacally*. But the depravity of this consumer cunt was in his shamelessness, essentially what he screamed into my ears was no more than, “I GET ASSRAPED BY CORPORATIONS, WHOOPITY DOO, now look at this app.” 

And for the record, going to the mall, should not be a pass time. We all do it at some point. “Let’s go shopping!” Translates to me as, “We have too much shit, but let’s go get more, and just by the way FUCK THE POOR!”

(For Jinglebellpenguine, and just so you know, as a fellow interweb member, you have a dumb fucking name)

jinglebellpenguin asked: Hey! PLEASE start posting again! I really enjoyed reading your stuff and it would be a pity to see such great expression go to waste.

No promises, but within the next week, I’ll try to start finding time and restarting the blog. I’ve been busy with a lot of other stuff recently. 

A Year In Review

A began this blog sometime in March this year, starting off with a quick start under the name of Daily Anger, I was pissed and decided to piss in the internet, now I have become too lazy to update this once so glorious blog. This is a post on the events of 2011 and my posts of 2011, celebrating and mocking the year. 

This blog went through a lot. Some followers might remember the Religion post that lured the christians out of their internet caverns and into slaughter, where fellow atheists join hands and bashed the shit out of religion, what joy. Some might recall the glorious battle fought between this blog and feminazis, but we lived to see another post, and we fought off those bitches with terrible comments. In the very beginning of this blog, I thought it would be easy to come up with shit to rant about, but as the year progressed I ran out of things to bitch about, and now I post at most once a month. 

What has mankind achieved in the year 2011? You probably achieved nothing to be honest, not even that pathetic new year resolution you wrote up that said “Lose weight fatass”.Greece, Italy, and Spain are fucked. Steve Jobs died. The world is experiencing apocalyptical weather. So all in all, it’s been a damn good year. 

The good news? Well from now on there will be even less bitching from me, because I doing some stand-up work, which I realized my blog does not help at all. Bin Laden is dead, a nice symbolic period to the war no one really cared about anymore, so finally getting out of Iraq. Good… Gaddafi? I guess… freedom and stuff?

Conclusion: Fine. It was a shit year. Any other shitty things? I’m tired, you do the writing. 

Anonymous asked: Hey it's Tim, anyway I think I have a few ideas for your posts from the USA. I think you could do a good one on American stupidity (people think i just moved for Japan and that saying ping pong with an ascent means they speak Chinese....) also I think you could do a good post on crazy black girls ranting at each other (again inspired by people at school) some of those girls go insane for no reason just in the middle of the hall =p. Anyway see you later and stay angry

awesome. nice to hear from you. i’ll consider it, if i have time. enjoy the usa.

Check out me ol’ stuff

I’m sure not all of you have read all of my posts. While I not post, check out the old stuff. I’ll be with a new one soon

Fatty Mcfat Fat

In this day and age, we are all as superficial as possible, and our standard for beauty has been the pursuit of the supermodel body, the slim, the sleek, and the boney. Almost everyone in the world is constantly screaming the word diet, for true fat asses, go ahead, lose weight, or be comfortable, do whatever you want. But for those skinny bitches that whine and cry, I must tell you. “YOU FAT BITCH! YOU FAAAAAT, FATTY MCFAT FAT!” These skinny bitches (men included) are not really on a mission to lose weight. They are on a mission to make the fat people miserable. “Look at me, I’m so fat, I even began to have my period again. I wish I was like you, you clearly let yourself go.” BITCH!

Bulimia. This is as low as modern society goes. Millions starve in Somalia when the famine struck, dying from hunger. I can’t even go a day without a meal, yet they die from it. Meanwhile these skinny bitches, who are so self obsessed, want to pursue this ideal image of themselves, but have not the will power to not eat get a “sickness” called bulimia. Rich skinny people, eat a shit load of food and then puke all that shit out EVERY meal. This sick society dares to call this a sickness, this is no sickness, you don’t choose to be sick, if they die puking then GOOD. If only there was a way that the acid could melt their throats a little faster, we won’t be wasting anymore precious food on these ignorant skinny whores.

This ideal body is a result of the media. Have you seen the girls from America’s Next Top Model? Those soulless skeletons, so skinny that they can barely support the weight of their skin, parading down the runway, and they somehow became the generation’s role model.

Conclusion: YOU FAT YOU REAAAL FAT! FAT FAT FAT MCFATTTY! Live healthy or die bitch. Don’t be wasting food when starving children are dying elsewhere, you are not worth shit to our society you whore.

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